It's that time of the year again. A brand new school year is starting, which means "it's crunch time." The beginning of the school year can be tough on people, especially if you're going to be a freshman or a transfer student at a new school and in a new environment.
Many people handle change differently. Some better than others. Personally, I couldn't handle it.
Growing up, I switched schools a lot. It became very hard for me to adjust because everyone already had their own set of friends that they've known for years. In middle school, being the "new kid" was extremely difficult for me. Because I was considered "different" or "weird" to my classmates. I was the Cady Heron of the class (if you've seen the movie Mean Girls, you know what I'm talking about). I was constantly alone and getting teased because of my weight and for being different, which took a toll on my self-esteem. I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to be like everybody, but me.
When I changed schools, three times, in high school, I lost weight, made a handful of friends and dated my first boyfriend, but I had absolutely nothing in common with any of them. It was a constant reminder of how I already felt about myself at the time, which was that I wasn't attractive, smart, interesting, or worth anything.
After graduating, I packed my bags and moved to South Carolina to start college with a clean slate. I made friends there; I was even in a relationship with a guy who I thought was my "soulmate." I was happy. I still struggled with my self-esteem and depression, but I never let it show. I always kept a smile on my face. I wanted people to think that I had it all together, but in reality, I was searching and wanting more out of life.
After going through a crazy breakup (a different story that I will share at a different time), I was broken. Already suffering with depression, everything that was going on at that point in time broke me. I was completely numb; a mess to say the least. I couldn't hide how I truly felt about myself with a smile any longer. My depression showed through my grades, I gained some of my weight back, and pushed my friends and family away.
I moved back home because I couldn't afford to continue my education in South Carolina. While I was home, I took off from college, started working, and gained over 50 pounds in less than a year. I wasn't sleeping or eating healthy. I was always out partying and keeping my distance from my family.
After doing this for two years, I decided to go back to school and went to a community college. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I knew that going back was the right thing to do and majored in communication.
The school I went to changed my life. I fell in love with journalism after taking my first journalism course. While I was there, I started working on my self-esteem, started going back to church, and my grades excelled tremendously. I graduated with a high grade point average and received multiple scholarships and grants to one of the best schools, gained confidence, lost the 50 pounds that I'd gained and had a better relationship with God, but I am still a work-in-progress.
I feel beautiful. I know that I am worthy of love, respect and greatness. No matter what you go through, God is always there. If I didn't have a mother or a grandmother who prayed for me every single day, I don't know where I would be today. Because of their prayers and their faith in God, I have evolved into a beautiful woman of God and I am still evolving.
Don't let anyone tell YOU about YOU. God made us in His image. In Ephesians 2:10, it says "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." As God's children, we were created with a purpose and for a purpose that we couldn't possible imagine for ourselves to help others. In order to know what our purpose is and how to fulfill it, we need to build a stronger relationship with God to fully understand it and allow Him to completely use us as His vessels.
If any of you are struggling with your self-esteem or other trials and tribulations, take it to God in prayer. He is always there. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).
If you would like for me to pray for you about a certain situation or would like to give your heart to Christ, you can send me an email to email@example.com "Prayer" as the subject. If you want me to include you into my prayers, but don't want to share your situation with me in detail, you can contact me with #allthatjaz here and here.
Remember to always be a blessing to someone. Have a blessed weekend and remember, you are worthy.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. --- 1 Peter 3: 3-4
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